Thursday, May 7, 2009

How to be a Malaysian road user.

SITUATION 1 :
You are about to exit the highway, and it's 6.30 pm. There is only one exit lane, and the queue is long. What do you do?

Answer
Be smart laaaaaa. Don't la queue also, those who queue are stupid. I can "potong line" apaaa. Come on laaa, the highway is wide right? Drive on using the highway lane, then at the end of the exit lane, cut in front of other cars (give signals, we're Malaysian). If the affected driver is mad at you, let him through and try to cut the driver behind him/her (again, we're Malaysian, be courteous). Lama-lama dapat la masuk. Anyhow, the driver behind you is also "potonging the line", so, lane highway yang paling kiri tu dah jadi exit lane jugak dahhh!

SITUATION 2 :
You are in a traffic jam, nearing a traffic light. The light is still green but the cars in front of you still could not get through the junction because the traffic jam is really bad. What do you do?

Answer
What stupid question is this lahh?! The situation says the light is green right? I don't know about you, but from what I learn in driving school, green means go. If I stop, other cars behind me will start honking. And if the light turns red when I'm still in the middle of the junction, well, who cares if those from other junction could not move because I'm blocking their path? Too bad la, it's traffic jam right? Green means go, but you're not going to crash into my car. Hey, see my baseball bat?!!!

SITUATION 3 :
You are driving fast on the right lane of the highway, and suddenly traffic in front of you becomes a bit slower. How do you react?

Answer
Flash the headlights, drive as close as I can to the car in front of me. I know it's not him/her who is causing the slow traffic. Must be some slower cars ahead. But do I care? No way! I pay road tax as much as you do. And at the moment, I can't see anyone driving faster than me, so I have the right to force other cars away from my lane. Note, my lane. Get what I mean?

SITUATION 4 :
You are in a hurry. All three lanes of the highway are packed with cars, buses and lorries. How do you get through the traffic in minimum time?

Answer
Actually, it's almost impossible. I was about to answer "use the emergency lane, or bus lane". But nowadays I'm not the only smart driver. Other have also evolved, becoming smart like me, so even the emergency lane must be packed. Unless, the situation described above is located in Heaven. In that case, the emergency lane should be empty for me to use. But then again, does traffic jam exists in Heaven? Oh, out of topic, sorry.

SITUATION 5 :
You and your friend are riding motorcycles. Both are riding each motorcycle alone, and you need to give him an important message. How do you communicate with him?

Answer
Very easy this one. Ride next to him, and convey the message lah. What's so weird about that? The road is wide, enough for a lorry to pass through. So two motorcycles riding side by side should be very safe. And other traffic could still use the other lane if they want to take over us. But I have heart also, I won't do this on a single lane road! That's very insonsiderate. I'm a civilised Malaysian rider lahh.

8 comments:

begtanganbiru said...

No offence, but all the criteria of Malaysian drivers that you mentioned can be found in Penang drivers(I mean island especially). For example the first one, kat sana nak menyelit memang selalunya diorang tak bagi signal langsung. Think I'll end up suffering hypertension if I keep driving there.

Iron Butterfly said...

bakpo bunying supo emo jah ni Wyn?

Shiro said...

Nasihat ko gedio ni pok ddaro?

YellowHerbie said...

Offense? Why should I be offended? Memang post ni dituju kepada Malaysian road users yang inconsiderate. Post ini ada satu sarcasm. Sarcastic. Or whatever you call it. Emo. Emo!

begtanganbiru said...

Exactly. Kadang Malaysians ni kalau cakap direct diorang tak paham, kalau sarcastic barulah mesej tu sampai. Musykil betul

budleee said...

ahahahahaha

should put under jokes bagi yg mudah2 sentap

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